2010

Happy New Year Dad...

Letter 26

Hi Dad!
How are you? Can I ask you something? Why do adults especially parents have no respect for teenagers. I know they may think that the teenager goes into that phase where she thinks that all she says is right and all but when I sit and I think it over and don’t over react directly and I confront mom about it she gets mad when all I want is just a simple answer.
So yesterday morning, in the upstairs living room (in Muscat) everyone was waking up. Aya was there so was Kika, Marianne, Teta and me. Mom wakes up in the morning comes up and sits down between us. But she forgets to do her coffee. I don’t remember who she asked to go down and make it for her but Rasha told her to go do it herself (no in a mean way). I was in the middle of a conversation with Kika, I was telling her about something that happened last night and while I was talking I hear mom, Aya and Teta call my name: Syma, Syma, Syma, Syma… So naturally I ignored and hurried on with my story getting more and more annoyed by the second. You know we I’ve always had the bad habit to call a person whenever that person is in the middle of their conversation but recently I’ve been working so hard on that especially with mom because she gets pissed whenever I do that and I always get a lecture afterwards. So I got so pissed that at my last sentence I screamed at mum: “I’m in the middle of a conversation!” and I got up and went to do her fucking coffee. I would have done it with pleasure only if they would have stopped and noticed that the kid of the family could actually hold a conversation with someone without difficulty. And I am seriously not exaggerating.
So I shut up and swallowed my anger. But unfortunately that anger pestered me all day. And it wouldn’t leave me alone. So at night I took mom aside and asked her in a very gentle manner just to apologize to me. And she got mad. She turned her back to me and left. And she left me at the bottom of the stairs.
Why is it so goddamned hard for people to just apologize to people younger that they hurt? Yes I did get hurt. And up until now every time I see her I get mad and I just want to scream! What do I do now? Tomorrow’s New Year and I really want to start it well. But I will not summit to her and I will not apologize to something I have not done.
I’m about to burst out and flat out cry in front of everyone so I will leave you and go on with my business somewhere private.
Love you dad and I will always will
I need you right now…..
I miss you

Letter 25

Hi Dad!
How are you? That's how i always start my letters... Why? I don't know... And i always think and prepare a subject. I gather information and actually see how i can make them fit. Because spontaneous letter have no importance or value. Just like this one. But still the fact that I'm addressing it to you is a way of reliving a lot of bottled emotions. Even if i don't speak about what is bothering me it just helps. Just like reading a book or listening to music. That helps but not as much as you do.. Somethines i wonder if there are some other people that read these letters. But why would anyone want to read about the problems of a teen aged girl. Any way i think i really need to hit the hay because i can barely open my eyes.
Miss you everyday the feeling intensify
I love you eternally my dad
Many kisses and tight hugs.

PS: I have to post a letter i wrote on paper while i was in the plane. Anyway i'll post it tomorrow. Good-Night.

Letter 24

Hey Dad!
How are you? So I'm in Muscat now... it's the 25 so Merry Christmas my daddy! i wish you were here. The mood would have been so much better if you were here. Christmas will never be the same without you... Hadi was singing the way you used to. Do you remember? You used to stress on the wrong syllables. It used to put a smile on everyone's faces. Your presence made everything so much better. I miss you so much. It's always harder when it's festive seasons. I wish you were he to witness how close our family has become. It’s a blessing to be related to such amazing people. The characters are so different one another that a person would wonder how we connect so brilliantly. I would do anything for anyone of them. Family is my first priority. I love them.
But not as much as I love you. (That sounded a bit cheesy)
Miss you Daddy.

Letter 23

Hi Dad!
How are you? I don't know what to write about. I don't like it when i have no ideas. Like for example i have no clue where my life is heading. Yes I'm starting to get paranoid and i would love to have a bulb light over my head or an image of my future. I hate the fact that some decisions i have to make not will affect my hole life. I know that I'm making such a big deal of it but i have this feeling that my life is heading towards a cliff. I am scared that when i actually choose a field that after a short while i end up getting bored. Then what do i do? I know that a student changes his major on average twice in his life. What if i get bored..... Then i'll spend my life in university switching from one major to the other and i'll be known as the undecided ADD girl. Haha that's funny. Okay i think i went too far. I'm sure I'm not gonna turn out like that. I'm being over dramatic. See dad that's what you get when you're a teenaged girl that has her period (with massive cramps and two pimples). Mood swings. I swear boys don't know how luck they are. They've got it so easy. And another thing they haven't experienced is waxing. I swear they should use it as torture on spies they'll cave in and tell you anything once they lay their eyes on the gooey sticky hot brown blob on the fire. I still do not understand why women go through all that amount of pain while they have to endure the spiky kisses that men give. I swear are sensitive skin gets so irritated when we have to greet a non-shaved man. The only place the man has to remove hair from he chooses the easy way out: Razor. Okay i think i should stop blaming men. Don't take anything personally yeah daddy? anyway i'm dreading the day before muscat when i will have to wax....
I feel your absence more and more
Kisses from home
Your daughter that loves you
Xoxo

Letter 22

Hi Dad!
How are you today? Arrghhh... I have my exams! I really am not in the mood daddy! Everyday we have one exam and we finish school at 10. Great day! I spend 45 minutes in the bus heading to school stay there 2 hours and come back up. Couldn't they have put three exams in a day so that we actually have a longer vacation that doesn't start the 22nd? I mean really! Why so we have to start vacation so very late? And for people that actually want to travel for Christmas break? And the funniest thing is that we come back on the 4th! So what we have 10 days of holiday?! That is so unfair. I don';t know why I'm arguing there is nothing i can do. I just feel like arguing about something... Okay now that that's over... Did i tell you i started taking guitar lessons? It's so cool i love it! And i bought myself a camera! With my own money that i have been saving up! It a semi-professional Panasonic/Lumix! I made a deal with mum that if she pitches in on the payment she could say that it's my Christmas gift from her to me. I was completely capable to buy it on my own. But i don't know why we agreed on splitting the price. Anyway i have no regrets i love it. I'm gonna have so much fun with it in Muscat! I wish you could be there to appear in my pictures...
I miss you so much.
Kisses
Your daughter that loves you plus grand que ca.

Picture 9

Letter 21

Hi Dad!
How are you? So the festive season is coming soon. But i don't really feel like celebrating anything this year. The more time passes the more i feel your absence. It's getting more and more unbearable. I still miss your versions the Christmas songs. The way you sang them at the church to embarrass me. Your voice echoing in the big room... Yeah i miss you... Nothing will ever be the same without you.
I feel guilty. I feel like i abandoned Biggie. Really, I wish i insisted a bit more to get him over here. I know it's just a dog and all but still. He was your dog, our dog. He was family. Now i don't even know what happened to him.
I bought a camera. Well we made a deal me and mom. I pay 65% of the price. Because I've been economizing my money to get myself something I would like. So i told mom that if she wanted to pay a bit of the price it could be my Christmas gift so that's what we agreed on. And now i own a marvelous camera. I love it. Even if I bought it less than 24 hours ago. I know what you're thinking. I will be careful with it and keep an eye on it. Anyway now i can actually take good pictures with my own camera.
I have 11 days to go to be on a plane heading to muscat. It's going to be the first time I have ever traveled alone. Personally I think I'm gonna enjoy it. As much a people person i am i so enjoy my time alone. I can actually think and feel free of the feeling that i should entertain my company. But sooner or later I'm going to have to do it. But really i call muscat home. I feel at home over there. The change of atmosphere (I'm not talking weather...) of people, of environment and routines it's refreshing. But it wont be the same without the family there.
I just noticed something i am very family oriented. Everything leads to those people i love so much. It's incredible how people with different interests connect as much as we do. And the age difference doesn't interfere with anything. I like it. I like them. Every single one of them.
So this was a some-what brief update on my current situation.
I don't think anyone loves you more than i do.
Millions of kisses and hugs
Your daughter.

Picture 8

Letter 20

Hi Dad!
How are you? I need to tell you about something very dear to me. Yeah she may live under the same roof as I and she may occupy Had's room. And she also have freakishly scary hair in the morning but i have to tell you how much i treasure her. I cannot repay her to what she has done to me. Without her i thing i would be totally lost. She gives me hope and makes me think strait. She isn't scared of life and she shows me how not to fear it. She helps me cope will every single one of my problems. She knows exactly how to cheer me up in my darkest times. But she also know when need space. She is the one who i can run to we I'm in the deepest of shit (sorry for the bad language). She is unique and wonderful in every way even in her worst hours. Yeah she may be my cousin but to me she is far more than that. She's my best friend, my sister. No I'm not exaggerating. I can trust her to tell me the truth even if it hurts, i can trust her to be keep all my thoughts and secrets safe. I love her so much. And in this letter i am trying to show her to what extent i am grateful to have her in my life. But still it doesn't compare to all the good she has done to me. Thank you my frizzy friend!
So dad i miss you, everyday, more and more....
I love you
Your dearest daughter.

Letter 19

Hi Dad!
How was your day? I need to talk. So this is going to be a long one. I want to talk about ten thousand things. But now i don't know where to start. It's weird. I have so many things i wanna let out. I think because I'm used to listen more than speak when it comes to my friends. But some of the times I get really bothered my the voices that surrounds me. I love listening to peoples' problems and all of the gossip (except when it starts to get critical and mean) but with moderation. People can count on me for being there for them to talk to and i will always try my best to help anyone. But some of the times i just don't want to listen to anyone but them listening to me. That's why i always feel so relieved when i finish writing to you. It helps me cope with my emotional diarrhea. Not only that but it makes me feel closer to you and in a way make me miss you a bit less because i feel like I'm really talking to you and that you're really there. I still don't know how your absence is going to affect further my future life. Seeing the way it already affected so much the life that I'm leading now. I still miss the phone calls at 8 P.M sharp, but since that dreadful day i never heard the phone ring. Or the sound of your voice. I never thought i say this but i miss when you used to talk on the phone in the salon but you weren't technically talking you were screaming. From every corner of the house we could hear your conversation. And the nights when you arrived to Lebanon from Saudi i would wake up long after you we fast asleep and i could here your snoring from my room. That was my cue to come over and squeeze myself between you and mum in the middle of the bed which with time i had outgrown and didn't fit in it anymore without spending the night kicking you both.
But now, all i have left of your snoring is the faint memory, all i have left from you smell is a cold bottle of your perfume and of your music just the CDs left on the shelves. Only you can mix and match the song to form a perfect balance of genres. And our song, Life. Ironic isn't it? Life. A part of this house died when you did. Our family too was left incomplete when they told us the news in from of the ICU while i was fast asleep in my bed after my first day back at school. They did insist i stay at home rather than come down to see what was wrong. While i woke up the next day you never did. But that day my alarm hadn't rang. But oblivious to the dark veil casted on our home i dressed up and headed to the Tv, to find everyone awake. Why was everyone awake at 6 in the morning? Then i noticed the puffed up red eyes of mom, the sober faces on the rest of the people in the room. "Syma, daddy flew up to the sky..." yes that's how they broke it to me that day. I'm grateful for the terms used, the way they phrased the sentence. Nobody could have broken it down to me an easier way. The support i got the next week was amazing although i don't remember much of it now. I don't remember a thing from it. Just a few parts and moments i remember. I remember putting down my posters from my walls, i remember Hadi's friends over, Peto too and i remember when the headmistresses sat me down next to them, that was an awkward moment. But that about sums it up. It was a hard time.
So i leave you now with tons of kisses and hugs
I miss you unbelievably
I love you always and forever
You daughter...

Picture 7

A Memory

Fast Car
- By Tracy C hapman

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere

Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
But me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car
And I got a plan to get us out of here
I been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
We won't have to drive too far
Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
And finally see what it means to be living

You see my old man's got a problem
He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
I say his body's too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
And we go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a big house and live in the suburbs
You got a fast car
And I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better
Thought maybe together you and me would find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way

Picture 6

Haha it's scary how he and Aya we look like each other. Now i really have to admit it...

Letter 18

Hi Dad!
How are you? The day before yesterday mom and me left, with the neighbors, to sleep a night in 2bayyet. It was fun. As much as i seem to be into all the new technology i really enjoy escaping from it. Up there i had the chance to log on to Facebook but just the thought of it repulsed me. So anyway, up there the weather was freezing. Just the way i like it. Unfortunately they told me that the temperature was exactly the same as Broumana so i was up there unprepared and the cold penetrated my bones. But i was happy. I'm not really a summer person (as in the weather. don't get me wrong i love the summer) but i really miss the cold. As we were walking in the Zouk, i felt the pain that you get to your knees when you're cold i forgot how much i liked the feeling. And then the... how do you call it...? that blister you get on you lip... well i had one too it felt so nice. Okay it must sound like I'm masochistic. But don't you have a pain you just like? Like a bruise when you press on it.. Or a aphtha (i think that's how it's called in french it's aphte) don't you like to press down on it? Anyhoo.. I have to go i have a huge commentary en french so...
I love you my Daddy
Your Daughter that misses you enormously
Xoxo

A Wish

Light a star for me tonight

Picture 5

Picture 4

A Thought

I miss you, but i miss the whole family too. So much.

Letter 17

Hey Dad!
How are you? Today i finally accepted the fact that the Lebanese are popular for all the wrong things. Numerous times i've read a mention of the Lebanese in different books i've read. The image the outside world have of us is unfortunately extremely negative. For example, Paulo Coelho compared a Lebanese woman to a witch if i remember correctly. And i've read of a Lebanese terrorist and villain. And most recently a comparison to a Lebanese hairdresser. In my opinion those aren't very positive... But the positive side of this popularity is the fact that at least it's not the least known county like Tadjikistan, kiribati, tuvalu or Nauru (i've done my research) But still it would be nice if there was some positive recognition. Ah well our time will come once we don't have a power outage multiple times a day or a shortage of water. Oh and let's not forget the horrible and terrifying traffic. Anyhoo..
Love you my dearest Daddy!
I miss you so much
Kisses!

Letter 16

Hi Dad.
How are you today? Mom is getting on my last nerve. The day i decide to study extremely well she accuses me of no studying at all. While the whole 3 hours i sat on my but doing nothing but studying (and talking to myself) she was in the salon playing cards with her friends. what gives her the right to come into my room and tell me that i didn't do crap. I've had enough of her and all her bullshit! It's not fair. Sometimes i really want to scream! But then I'll get shouted on because of the fact that I'm doing something other than having my head buried in a damned textbook. Why do i have to drag her to someone who was actually a witness to my hard work to make her believe.
I wish you were here, it would make everything much easier.
Love you
Your daughter that misses you too much.

Letter 15

Hey Dad!
How are you? So tonight i watched a movie, New moon. I don't really know if i actually liked it.. Anyhow the whole school was there and then right after it Claudia and me went to a dinner we got invited to with some guys outside school. They're really nice guys, all gentlemen and very fun to hang out with. The difference between the two very opposite types of people is really relaxing. That's what i like about them. Apart from the fact that they're extremely amusing, the different atmosphere is a perfect escape from the weekly routine.
Anyhow I'm thinking about you a lot these days and i really miss you. I think the book I'm reading in french is making me question some things about death. In my book, there's this guy that comes back from the death and tries to kill his father (who actually caused his death) and it made me wonder. If you would ever come back, who would you go to first? Would you want any kind of vendetta?
Love you Daddy
You dearest daughter
Xoxo

Letter 14

Hey Dad!
How are you? So there's this new guy at my school he's from france and well the first month at school he used to hang out in the library during recess. Nowadays he made his group or friends and he now hangs outside. I was wondering was he shying away from everyone before? Even-though he was a student at my school years ago? I'm just curious, and trying to figure out how it feels to change schools. I'm not sure how i would react if i was to change school. Would i hide in the library or would i try to see where i fit in best between the groups of students. But in time everything falls in place. No?
Miss your presence
Love,
Your curious daughter

PS: Is curiosity a quality or a fault?

Picture 3

Letter 13

Hi Dad!
How are you? You know... today i noticed something really bad. So we received grades today in class (i did very well and got the fifth ± highest grade in physics) and a lot of my friends got really bad grade. and started crying so i went to cheer her up and to tell her that it's only a single grade and nothing to cry about. But you know what she told me? Not that she was upset about the grade. No. She was worried she was going to disappoint her mom. Now that doesn't sound right to me. Shouldn't she be crying about the grade? That's what bothers me. Her mom is putting pressure on her that all she is thinking about is the effect it will have on her mom. Shouldn't she be worried how a bad grade will affect her CV and her future? Parents put too much pressure to the point when a student before going in to do the test is actually stressing about not disappointing their parents than doing well. Does that seem normal to you? I think that a parent should talk to their son or daughter about the consequences of not working hard and thinking about their future. I don't know if i made sense or not.
Love you Daddy!
Miss you so much!
You daughter

Letter 12

Hi Dad!
So today i got my dose of terror! I thought i was going to lose my leg! So i was in the bus on my way home when my phone fell from my pocket, between the seat and to the back. Normally i sit at the last seat anyhow, i went to retrieve it and got stuck. My thigh was stuck between the leg of the seat, the floor and the side of the bus. The problem was that i had no way to push my was out of there except if i broke my thigh. Any movement i made sent a sharp pain through my whole leg. I was trying to keep my head but everyone around me started panicking and scary thoughts came to my mind. Like chain-saws, blood, paramedics, doctors and hospitals. Then everyone started to scare me even more i started shaking and then i really felt uncomfortable so i removed one of my shoes, pushed as hard i as could and ignored the pain that shot through my whole leg and i got through. The pain in my leg was huge afterward. But thankfully i still have my leg. But now i have an huge-ass bruise.
That was my terror for the day.
I love you and always will.
Miss you now more than ever.
Your daughter
XOXO

A Wish

I really wish i had more time to spend with you. Our time together was so limited.

A Thought

We're infinitely small...

Picture 2

Letter 11

Hey Dad!
How are you? I'm tired but happy. I'm having lot of fun with all of my friends. Old ones and new ones. I met a bunch of guys they're so cool. They're very different than the people i normally frequent. When we go out together for example it's always so unexpected. Two days ago,Claudia and me got invited to a dinner at beach in Jbail. Okay so Claudia and me we arrive to this fancy, super white, empty restaurant. So i call the guy up and he comes and gets us. Turns out he invited us to barbecue in his tiny chalet. So there was music and they played guitar and we laughed and made a salad with Picon it was claudia's idea but it was surprisingly good. Then we went to the sea and played and had fun and all. Claudia and me came back to the chalet drenched to the bone and found ourselves facing mum and nicole. But thankfully the guys lent us some dry clothes and we left. I had a blast it was amazing.
I haven't written anything for a long time i'm so sorry.
But I love you
I'll never forget you you will live on in my heart..
Your Loving daughter

Memory 3

we WISH you a merry Christmas we WISH you a merry Christmas and a happy new year!

Picture

Letter 10

Hey Dad!
How are you? How can you decide on your future? I went to an American university conference at school. The guy talked about the majors and the steps to apply and all the options. I actually got scared. I'm so lost. I have no idea where i want to end up. I very aware that i can change whenever i want to. But still it's a BIG decision. Finally my choice is who I'll be in society. Everybody tells me that it's still quite early to know where you want to end up but it's constantly on my mind. I'm scared that I'll start with something and then get bored of it and would want to change. I can see myself as a marine biologist or work at an advertising company. There are so many thing i want to try out but my life is not infinite. I can't do everything. What's even worse it's that i want to have a family too... Maybe I'm thinking too far ahead... People have a very idyllic image of their future: a big house, a perfect wife with perfect kids, a comfortable amount of money and a perfect job. But how many achieve it? How many people reach their goal? Life is hard.
I love you so so much!
Your youngest daughter that misses you.
Kisses

Letter 9

Hi Dad!
I hate my life today and yesterday and the day before that. All the drama a teenager goes through at school doesn't end at the bell but have to follow at home too. With the stubbornness of a parent that thinks himself right all the time. And when confronted with the opposite claims that: No it's not true! How many times have i come to you and said "sorry"?. Well in my count.... never. Conversation never flows. A monosyllable does not count as an answer. And when shouting is involved it's no longer called talking but it's actually known as arguing. How come i always have the one that's cut short in the discussion? How come I'm not allowed to interrupt like I always am. But an adult has much more experience in live and never commits any mistakes.
Okay i think I need to calm down. There's so much a person can handle. But I'm just like a balloon that's being inflated at some point isn't it going to blow up? All the little things that irritate me and angers me just pile up until one day something throws it off balance and i just break down and need to just scream, or shout or i don't know do something so relieve the anger, the pain, the sadness, the anxiousness. All that needs to go somewhere but some people just don't know where to drop the weight off their shoulders.
I think i just gave myself a therapy lesson...
I love the heck out of you dad!
Miss you...
Your daughter

Letter 8

Hi Dad!
Love is hard. What is the chance of two people liking each other at the same period in time? think about it... Above all the people you meet in your life how come the one person that you "like" like, likes you back too? Isn't it weird? i don't understand it. Just like being mean. I can't possibly imagine myself making fun of someone just for my own benefits or just to be mean in general. How could all the bullies in the world at the end of the day have a smile on their faces knowing they probably traumatized a poor little kid? Or lets take a deeper subject, murder. How can they do it and then sleep at night peacefully? Or maybe not, maybe they can't rest knowing they stole someone's wife, husband, daughter, son, mother or father? i think i would kill myself before i pull the trigger on someone else's life. But there are a lot of people that can do it. That did it already, maybe more than once...
Love from you youngest daughter
I miss you more with every passing day

Quote

'God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference.'

- Nicole Younes

Memory 2

The movie we did mum you and me... The magic tricks... I have to find it! Haha the last trick w/ the jelly bon that wouldn't finish! Remember?

Letter 7

Hi Dad!
How are you? I think I'm kind of scared. The swine flu is popping everywhere now. There are a few cases of swine flu in my school. What's even worse is that two cases are actually in my school bus. One of them is my neighbor... I always said that is was nothing to worry about. But then i started to have headaches and my nose started to block. So o started to panic. It's weird i know about the symptoms, the medicine, the reasons that causes complications and all the rest of the story. But when i thought that i could have caught it, i freaked. I know that sooner or later everyone is going to catch it. They're predicting that the peek of the flu is gonna be next month. I'm scared which is weird because I'm really aware and really i shouldn't be scared.
I have to go...
Love you sooo much
Miss you

Letter 6

Hi Dad!
How are you? Me I'm not good at all. I really feel like I'm never gonna succeed in life. The only things I'm good at are nothing. I feel stupid and worthless. I just feel like crying. And i can't... Scratch that i am. I need a day of looking at myself from the outside. As if i was looking from another persons' point of view. See how i act, look, talk... I feel like I'm not myself. i don't know who i am. I'm lost. What am i doing? Why? What will i do? where will i be in 5, 10, 15 years? Will i ever find love? Will i have kids? How many? What if i fuck up?
Love
Your daughter

Letter 5

Hi Dad!
So technically I'm exhausted and am craving to go to sleep and it's only 8:04 PM. You know that once i dreamt of you. But it was really weird. It's like you interrupted my dream without it stopping. Well let me just explain. So its starts with me and my class at school we're playing paint-ball in Virgin in Gean Mall (don't ask i know it's very random, i know). And all of a sudden you appear in the entrance of the store dressed in jeans and beige jacket, a blueberry scarf and a beret. You looked so healthy and happy. I hugged you and smelled your perfume (i miss that smell) and i told you i miss you and you said "Let me say hi to your mom before she wakes up" It felt so real. Almost as if you were really there checking up on mum and me. Were you? Real i mean... was it you or a pigment of my imagination?
Got to go.
Love you so much!
Kisses

Letter 4

Hi Dad!
How are you today? Is Giddo Michel next to you? I hope he is and that you're not alone. Hive him a big hug from me. Hope you're well..
Will i have an impact on the world? will my name be known in the future? What if i just stay as an average girl in the background? I want to make an impression. Is it hard? I think so. But what will i do when i grow up? I get bored easily so it's hard to know what i want to do when i grow up. Fame is not what I'm searching though. Fame sucks. It has its ups but too much of it will destroy you sanity. Look at all the actors and actresses and singers too. Look how fucked up they're life is. All that caused not by their work but by their fans, admirers and paparazzi. But they don't mean it. that's the reason i would choose to be a one hit wonder over a 24/7 star. Sometimes people are blind and stupid. They don't think before they act. We all make mistakes but some are easily avoided. People that take drugs to escape the problems they're faced against and they actually end up loosing themselves. Everything is so preventable but people are just blind or cruel. Another example smoking. People are scared to be judged as weak, lame or scared so they just do whatever they know is going to be their next big mistake. You warned me that if one day I find myself dared to smoke to be "cool" that i should not take it. And you were right. I won't make that mistake ever in my life. But there is something else solidifying my choice. When i was 8 or 9 i tried it by curiosity. Who can blame me? At home, you, mom Rasha and Hadi smoked. I wondered. After choking and retching i think I'm never gonna try that again. So that goes to drugs too. I think i prefer to read about them but i don't see myself using. That's another thing i like about books. You read about other people's experiences and emotions during them. It's as if you are that person and you are experiencing the same things. You can actually feel what the writer and the character feels.
Okay mom is gonna murder me if i don't wrap it up. Haha.
Kisses and hugs
Qui j'aime moi?
You're daughter that misses you.

Letter 3

Hello Dad!
How are are? I miss you. What was it like at the end? It really a mystery because when a heart stops that's not the end. Many hearts beats again but when you breathe you're last and final breath and your heart beats for the final time i think that's the end. The scary thing about it is that the many generations that existed since the beginning of everything: plants, trees, bacteria, animals, mammals, fish till the human. No one knows what's to come after death. Some people claimed to have seen heaven's golden gate or the "light". But when you think about it more it's just plain weird. People nowadays believe whatever you tell them. It's just pathetic. Don't you agree? Personally i think it's just bullshit. They just want to be sure that after they're done with this life a place in heaven is saved for them. Well not i thing I'm just talking as much crap as they are! Ha-ha. I miss your laugh dad it's been so long since i've heard it. You know what i miss so much? Apart from your hole being but the 8 P.M called you regularly made every night. And the hug that i used to get at midnight when you would arrive to lebanon after a month of being away. Or your snoring! it used to be my lullaby. I wish i had more time with you like Hadi and Aya. Well i have to go and study!
Lot's Of Love!
Kisses and hugs a plenty!
Your Dearest daughter.

A Memory

'Qui j'aime le plus au monde?'
- Dad

Letter 2

Hi Dad!
So how's it doing?
So this summer was great everyone flew in and we finally saw...well met the Youneses and they're so cool i love them! Haha but there was one problem amongst others and its starting to got on my last nerves. Nina, well we all know about her character but this summer it went too far. We hardly ever saw the Chaftaries except kenny she's great at least she made an effort but Gabi Dominique i don't recall seeing them at all. And then there is Nina. Dad, what does nina hold against mum? There's something wrong. Since the beginning of summer till now, october they don't stand each other. Nina just doesn't want Cola in her life and mum just fed up of eating all the bullshit that Nina causes. Since then there's been insults bad words tears and shouts. I just don't meddle with it but that doesn't mean I'm not present no on the contrary I'm just choked and analyzing without interfering. But no i can't take it any longer. Lynno can't call Nina on moms cellphone because Nina won't answer to anything involving Cola. Isn't that childish and immature? Instead of trying to fix the problem like gown and civilized adults they act like like kids.
But don't get me wrong my summer was amazing! I had a blast and i met so many new people.

Miss you more with each passing day...
You daughter that loves you.
XoXo

A Memory

Life
By Des'ree

I'm afraid of the dark,
'specially when I'm in a park
And there's no-one else around,

Ooh, I get the shivers
I don't want to see a ghost,
It's a sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news

I'm a superstitious girl,
I'm the worst in the world
Never walk under ladders,
I keep a rabbit's tail

I'll take you up on a dare,
Anytime, anywhere
Name the place, I'll be there,
Bungee jumping, I don't care!

So after all is said and done
I know I'm not the only one
Life indeed can be fun, if you really want to

Sometimes living out your dreams,
Ain't as easy as it seems
You wanna fly around the world,
In a beautiful balloon

Letter 1

Hi Dad!
How are you doing? Things are different around here since you left. Mum and me are having more fights but i think its just normal teenage behavior. Once when Marianne was in Lebanon she pointed out that since your departure our family is closer and stronger. And that you were the one behind it. I actually agree, see when you died, everyone was broken and wasn't sure how to react to the situation. I got lost thinking that i should be strong and not look weak around people around me but it turns out that all i had done was destroy all sanity left in me my keeping it in. Then came Lyne. My wise cousin once said: "Crying is like pissing you always feel better afterwards". So after a few day i just broke down and drowned in my own tears for a while then when i looked up i saw that i wasn't by myself but surrounded by people that love and care for me. So you don't need to worry about me. I think that i have everyone i need by my side.
Anyhow how are you? Actually the real question is: Where are you? Are you a ghost roaming the house and following us around? or are you a mystic tree in the amazon? Or maybe a baby in Japan... That's what scares me. Not death but the unknown that follows after it. Do we say frozen in place? Or in a infinite dark room with no walls, roofs or flours? Do you have music here you are? because that will be my main problem if i die because i don't think I'll survive without it. Wait... survive is definitely not the word for it.. then I'll loose my mind without it. I think you would too....

It's getting late and i have school tomorrow.
I love you always and forever
I miss you deeply, kisses

Yours truly
Symzette