Letter 19

Hi Dad!
How was your day? I need to talk. So this is going to be a long one. I want to talk about ten thousand things. But now i don't know where to start. It's weird. I have so many things i wanna let out. I think because I'm used to listen more than speak when it comes to my friends. But some of the times I get really bothered my the voices that surrounds me. I love listening to peoples' problems and all of the gossip (except when it starts to get critical and mean) but with moderation. People can count on me for being there for them to talk to and i will always try my best to help anyone. But some of the times i just don't want to listen to anyone but them listening to me. That's why i always feel so relieved when i finish writing to you. It helps me cope with my emotional diarrhea. Not only that but it makes me feel closer to you and in a way make me miss you a bit less because i feel like I'm really talking to you and that you're really there. I still don't know how your absence is going to affect further my future life. Seeing the way it already affected so much the life that I'm leading now. I still miss the phone calls at 8 P.M sharp, but since that dreadful day i never heard the phone ring. Or the sound of your voice. I never thought i say this but i miss when you used to talk on the phone in the salon but you weren't technically talking you were screaming. From every corner of the house we could hear your conversation. And the nights when you arrived to Lebanon from Saudi i would wake up long after you we fast asleep and i could here your snoring from my room. That was my cue to come over and squeeze myself between you and mum in the middle of the bed which with time i had outgrown and didn't fit in it anymore without spending the night kicking you both.
But now, all i have left of your snoring is the faint memory, all i have left from you smell is a cold bottle of your perfume and of your music just the CDs left on the shelves. Only you can mix and match the song to form a perfect balance of genres. And our song, Life. Ironic isn't it? Life. A part of this house died when you did. Our family too was left incomplete when they told us the news in from of the ICU while i was fast asleep in my bed after my first day back at school. They did insist i stay at home rather than come down to see what was wrong. While i woke up the next day you never did. But that day my alarm hadn't rang. But oblivious to the dark veil casted on our home i dressed up and headed to the Tv, to find everyone awake. Why was everyone awake at 6 in the morning? Then i noticed the puffed up red eyes of mom, the sober faces on the rest of the people in the room. "Syma, daddy flew up to the sky..." yes that's how they broke it to me that day. I'm grateful for the terms used, the way they phrased the sentence. Nobody could have broken it down to me an easier way. The support i got the next week was amazing although i don't remember much of it now. I don't remember a thing from it. Just a few parts and moments i remember. I remember putting down my posters from my walls, i remember Hadi's friends over, Peto too and i remember when the headmistresses sat me down next to them, that was an awkward moment. But that about sums it up. It was a hard time.
So i leave you now with tons of kisses and hugs
I miss you unbelievably
I love you always and forever
You daughter...