lundi 26 octobre 2009

Memory 3

we WISH you a merry Christmas we WISH you a merry Christmas and a happy new year!


Letter 10

Hey Dad!
How are you? How can you decide on your future? I went to an American university conference at school. The guy talked about the majors and the steps to apply and all the options. I actually got scared. I'm so lost. I have no idea where i want to end up. I very aware that i can change whenever i want to. But still it's a BIG decision. Finally my choice is who I'll be in society. Everybody tells me that it's still quite early to know where you want to end up but it's constantly on my mind. I'm scared that I'll start with something and then get bored of it and would want to change. I can see myself as a marine biologist or work at an advertising company. There are so many thing i want to try out but my life is not infinite. I can't do everything. What's even worse it's that i want to have a family too... Maybe I'm thinking too far ahead... People have a very idyllic image of their future: a big house, a perfect wife with perfect kids, a comfortable amount of money and a perfect job. But how many achieve it? How many people reach their goal? Life is hard.
I love you so so much!
Your youngest daughter that misses you.

jeudi 22 octobre 2009

Letter 9

Hi Dad!
I hate my life today and yesterday and the day before that. All the drama a teenager goes through at school doesn't end at the bell but have to follow at home too. With the stubbornness of a parent that thinks himself right all the time. And when confronted with the opposite claims that: No it's not true! How many times have i come to you and said "sorry"?. Well in my count.... never. Conversation never flows. A monosyllable does not count as an answer. And when shouting is involved it's no longer called talking but it's actually known as arguing. How come i always have the one that's cut short in the discussion? How come I'm not allowed to interrupt like I always am. But an adult has much more experience in live and never commits any mistakes.
Okay i think I need to calm down. There's so much a person can handle. But I'm just like a balloon that's being inflated at some point isn't it going to blow up? All the little things that irritate me and angers me just pile up until one day something throws it off balance and i just break down and need to just scream, or shout or i don't know do something so relieve the anger, the pain, the sadness, the anxiousness. All that needs to go somewhere but some people just don't know where to drop the weight off their shoulders.
I think i just gave myself a therapy lesson...
I love the heck out of you dad!
Miss you...
Your daughter

mardi 20 octobre 2009

Letter 8

Hi Dad!
Love is hard. What is the chance of two people liking each other at the same period in time? think about it... Above all the people you meet in your life how come the one person that you "like" like, likes you back too? Isn't it weird? i don't understand it. Just like being mean. I can't possibly imagine myself making fun of someone just for my own benefits or just to be mean in general. How could all the bullies in the world at the end of the day have a smile on their faces knowing they probably traumatized a poor little kid? Or lets take a deeper subject, murder. How can they do it and then sleep at night peacefully? Or maybe not, maybe they can't rest knowing they stole someone's wife, husband, daughter, son, mother or father? i think i would kill myself before i pull the trigger on someone else's life. But there are a lot of people that can do it. That did it already, maybe more than once...
Love from you youngest daughter
I miss you more with every passing day


'God grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and wisdom to know the difference.'
- Nicole Younes

dimanche 18 octobre 2009

Memory 2

The movie we did mum you and me... The magic tricks... I have to find it! Haha the last trick w/ the jelly bon that wouldn't finish! Remember?

samedi 17 octobre 2009

Letter 7

Hi Dad!
How are you? I think I'm kind of scared. The swine flu is popping everywhere now. There are a few cases of swine flu in my school. What's even worse is that two cases are actually in my school bus. One of them is my neighbor... I always said that is was nothing to worry about. But then i started to have headaches and my nose started to block. So o started to panic. It's weird i know about the symptoms, the medicine, the reasons that causes complications and all the rest of the story. But when i thought that i could have caught it, i freaked. I know that sooner or later everyone is going to catch it. They're predicting that the peek of the flu is gonna be next month. I'm scared which is weird because I'm really aware and really i shouldn't be scared.
I have to go...
Love you sooo much
Miss you

mardi 13 octobre 2009

Letter 6

Hi Dad!
How are you? Me I'm not good at all. I really feel like I'm never gonna succeed in life. The only things I'm good at are nothing. I feel stupid and worthless. I just feel like crying. And i can't... Scratch that i am. I need a day of looking at myself from the outside. As if i was looking from another persons' point of view. See how i act, look, talk... I feel like I'm not myself. i don't know who i am. I'm lost. What am i doing? Why? What will i do? where will i be in 5, 10, 15 years? Will i ever find love? Will i have kids? How many? What if i fuck up?
Your daughter

Letter 5

Hi Dad!
So technically I'm exhausted and am craving to go to sleep and it's only 8:04 PM. You know that once i dreamt of you. But it was really weird. It's like you interrupted my dream without it stopping. Well let me just explain. So its starts with me and my class at school we're playing paint-ball in Virgin in Gean Mall (don't ask i know it's very random, i know). And all of a sudden you appear in the entrance of the store dressed in jeans and beige jacket, a blueberry scarf and a beret. You looked so healthy and happy. I hugged you and smelled your perfume (i miss that smell) and i told you i miss you and you said "Let me say hi to your mom before she wakes up" It felt so real. Almost as if you were really there checking up on mum and me. Were you? Real i mean... was it you or a pigment of my imagination?
Got to go.
Love you so much!

samedi 10 octobre 2009

Letter 4

Hi Dad!
How are you today? Is Giddo Michel next to you? I hope he is and that you're not alone. Hive him a big hug from me. Hope you're well..
Will i have an impact on the world? will my name be known in the future? What if i just stay as an average girl in the background? I want to make an impression. Is it hard? I think so. But what will i do when i grow up? I get bored easily so it's hard to know what i want to do when i grow up. Fame is not what I'm searching though. Fame sucks. It has its ups but too much of it will destroy you sanity. Look at all the actors and actresses and singers too. Look how fucked up they're life is. All that caused not by their work but by their fans, admirers and paparazzi. But they don't mean it. that's the reason i would choose to be a one hit wonder over a 24/7 star. Sometimes people are blind and stupid. They don't think before they act. We all make mistakes but some are easily avoided. People that take drugs to escape the problems they're faced against and they actually end up loosing themselves. Everything is so preventable but people are just blind or cruel. Another example smoking. People are scared to be judged as weak, lame or scared so they just do whatever they know is going to be their next big mistake. You warned me that if one day I find myself dared to smoke to be "cool" that i should not take it. And you were right. I won't make that mistake ever in my life. But there is something else solidifying my choice. When i was 8 or 9 i tried it by curiosity. Who can blame me? At home, you, mom Rasha and Hadi smoked. I wondered. After choking and retching i think I'm never gonna try that again. So that goes to drugs too. I think i prefer to read about them but i don't see myself using. That's another thing i like about books. You read about other people's experiences and emotions during them. It's as if you are that person and you are experiencing the same things. You can actually feel what the writer and the character feels.
Okay mom is gonna murder me if i don't wrap it up. Haha.
Kisses and hugs
Qui j'aime moi?
You're daughter that misses you.

jeudi 8 octobre 2009

Letter 3

Hello Dad!
How are are? I miss you. What was it like at the end? It really a mystery because when a heart stops that's not the end. Many hearts beats again but when you breathe you're last and final breath and your heart beats for the final time i think that's the end. The scary thing about it is that the many generations that existed since the beginning of everything: plants, trees, bacteria, animals, mammals, fish till the human. No one knows what's to come after death. Some people claimed to have seen heaven's golden gate or the "light". But when you think about it more it's just plain weird. People nowadays believe whatever you tell them. It's just pathetic. Don't you agree? Personally i think it's just bullshit. They just want to be sure that after they're done with this life a place in heaven is saved for them. Well not i thing I'm just talking as much crap as they are! Ha-ha. I miss your laugh dad it's been so long since i've heard it. You know what i miss so much? Apart from your hole being but the 8 P.M called you regularly made every night. And the hug that i used to get at midnight when you would arrive to lebanon after a month of being away. Or your snoring! it used to be my lullaby. I wish i had more time with you like Hadi and Aya. Well i have to go and study!
Lot's Of Love!
Kisses and hugs a plenty!
Your Dearest daughter.

lundi 5 octobre 2009

A Memory

'Qui j'aime le plus au monde?'
- Dad

vendredi 2 octobre 2009

Letter 2

Hi Dad!
So how's it doing?
So this summer was great everyone flew in and we finally saw...well met the Youneses and they're so cool i love them! Haha but there was one problem amongst others and its starting to got on my last nerves. Nina, well we all know about her character but this summer it went too far. We hardly ever saw the Chaftaries except kenny she's great at least she made an effort but Gabi Dominique i don't recall seeing them at all. And then there is Nina. Dad, what does nina hold against mum? There's something wrong. Since the beginning of summer till now, october they don't stand each other. Nina just doesn't want Cola in her life and mum just fed up of eating all the bullshit that Nina causes. Since then there's been insults bad words tears and shouts. I just don't meddle with it but that doesn't mean I'm not present no on the contrary I'm just choked and analyzing without interfering. But no i can't take it any longer. Lynno can't call Nina on moms cellphone because Nina won't answer to anything involving Cola. Isn't that childish and immature? Instead of trying to fix the problem like gown and civilized adults they act like like kids.
But don't get me wrong my summer was amazing! I had a blast and i met so many new people.

Miss you more with each passing day...
You daughter that loves you.

A Memory

By Des'ree

I'm afraid of the dark,
'specially when I'm in a park
And there's no-one else around,

Ooh, I get the shivers
I don't want to see a ghost,
It's a sight that I fear most
I'd rather have a piece of toast
And watch the evening news

I'm a superstitious girl,
I'm the worst in the world
Never walk under ladders,
I keep a rabbit's tail

I'll take you up on a dare,
Anytime, anywhere
Name the place, I'll be there,
Bungee jumping, I don't care!

So after all is said and done
I know I'm not the only one
Life indeed can be fun, if you really want to

Sometimes living out your dreams,
Ain't as easy as it seems
You wanna fly around the world,
In a beautiful balloon

jeudi 1 octobre 2009

Letter 1

Hi Dad!
How are you doing? Things are different around here since you left. Mum and me are having more fights but i think its just normal teenage behavior. Once when Marianne was in Lebanon she pointed out that since your departure our family is closer and stronger. And that you were the one behind it. I actually agree, see when you died, everyone was broken and wasn't sure how to react to the situation. I got lost thinking that i should be strong and not look weak around people around me but it turns out that all i had done was destroy all sanity left in me my keeping it in. Then came Lyne. My wise cousin once said: "Crying is like pissing you always feel better afterwards". So after a few day i just broke down and drowned in my own tears for a while then when i looked up i saw that i wasn't by myself but surrounded by people that love and care for me. So you don't need to worry about me. I think that i have everyone i need by my side.
Anyhow how are you? Actually the real question is: Where are you? Are you a ghost roaming the house and following us around? or are you a mystic tree in the amazon? Or maybe a baby in Japan... That's what scares me. Not death but the unknown that follows after it. Do we say frozen in place? Or in a infinite dark room with no walls, roofs or flours? Do you have music here you are? because that will be my main problem if i die because i don't think I'll survive without it. Wait... survive is definitely not the word for it.. then I'll loose my mind without it. I think you would too....

It's getting late and i have school tomorrow.
I love you always and forever
I miss you deeply, kisses

Yours truly