mercredi 1 février 2012

Letter 83

Hi Dad!

How are you? To tell you the truth, I do great during the day despite the work and the occasional bad grade but when I come home my mood plummets down the drain. The main cause recently? Mom.

Lately, we just can’t stand each other. I think it’s because we’re so close. When she has a bad day and has to put a face on in front of everyone else, when we’re alone she gets all quiet and aggressive if I ever say something wrong. The worst thing is, when I have an okay day and I want to share there is no one except mom. But mom is all grumpy and doesn’t even make an effort to pretend to be listening to me. It gets on my nerves so when I try to get her attention or opinion she stays passive. When I get frustrated she become hostile.

I just can’t stand being yelled at anymore. I’m not a kid anymore! And okay I understand she needs to let off steam but I have my limits too. So in three days mom qualified me as arrogant, selfish, ungrateful bitch who takes for granted everything she does for me. How can I not be hurt by this? Seriously, I can’t stand this anymore. I can’t stand her shouting, her insulting, her absent mindedness.

God it’s starting to get on my last nerve. I don’t know what I’m going to do. Last time not speaking to her for a few days didn’t solve anything. But if she doesn’t want to do an effort to be a tiny bit more present then I’m not going to do any effort at all. The only thing she’ll see of me is my closed bedroom door. Enough is enough. I’m nobody’s punching bag anymore I can’t take it. Finito. Done. If she wants to talk to me, a kiss or a note isn’t going to suffice. I want an apology. That’s it. I don’t give a damn if her ego takes a hit. I haven’t done anything. I only asked a quarter of attention and I get a scolding. Fuck this shit (sorry for the language I gave it my best shot to be polite but it’s too much for me…)

Je t’aime comme ça

I miss you soo much