Letter 82

Hi Dad!

How are you? I woke up today with this eerie feeling. Like something was wrong. I think it started with this weird dream I had. It might sound stupid but it really disturbed me. I went crazy and they sent me to an asylum. They put me in a strait jacket. But the worst part of the dream was the feeling and emotions that went through me. It scared me. I felt hatred, anger, rage, torment, pain… sadness. It was like nothing that I ever felt before. I felt this extreme pressure in my chest. When I woke up, at first I didn’t remember the nightmare but that pressure in my chest was there. It wasn’t until later that it came back to me.  It’s 7 P.M. and the feeling still comes and goes. I want it gone.

The worst is that yesterday, my friend’s grandmother had a stroke. And fell into a coma. The doctors gave her a month to live. She died today…  I want so bad to be there with him, to help him though this tough time. I can’t stand him being so sad. He’s leaving tonight to go to France and stay with his family.

I guess in a way I hate that life goes on even though it seems like it stopped for you or someone else. I guess that’s what I don’t understand… Here I am on vacation, celebrating Christmas, tanning at the pool, a trip to Dubai planned the next day etc. while my friend is grieving the loss of a family member.

I hate these situations. I find myself at a loss for words. Whatsapp is so impersonal and makes it impossible to help in any way. I know that if it was me I would just want a hug and someone to just be there. How can I do that when I’m so far away?? I guess I’m frustrated. That’s what this feeling is. Frustration, guilt and this sensation of being powerless.

But the slap in the face is my philosophy teacher’s voice in my head, reciting the chapter on existentialism. Death is harsh. Very... We know that it’s going to happen to everyone but we still get shocked when it actually comes knocking at our door. It scares the crap out of me. It’s not the actual “I’m going to die” part of death, but it’s the “what comes after?” that gets my heart racing.

I guess you know the answer to that question.

I love you dad, so much

There’s a void without you...

Xxx

Symz

Letter 81

Hi Dad!
How are you? I miss you. I'm in Muscat now... The youneses are here this year. So the house is fuller than last year. It's the 26th today. Christmas came and went. It was a nice night. It actually flew by so quickly. In a way I'm glad. It was very fun and relaxed. It didn't feel like a duty. I didn't put much effort to entertain the "kids" like every year. I hung out with them for an hour and didn't feel bad leaving them the rest of the night. This year there was a band. An Omani one. Their playlist was nice. They played Long Train Runnin' and I thought of you. Not that I wasn't thinking about you during the whole night. Christmas isn't the same without you here. Especially when you used to sing Christmas carols and stress one some words. Hadi does that you know?  I miss you so much you do not understand.
To tell you the truth this year I wasn't so happy to come here. Not because I don't have a lot fun here. It's just this year I wanted to spend the vacation with my friends. I haven't seen them much since everyone started university... So I was hoping to see them before coming here but it didn't work out. I miss them. A lot actually. I saw a couple of them 2 weeks ago when I dropped off my SAT scores at AUB. I only saw them for a few minutes. Not nearly enough. They were exhausted and looked worn out which scared me a bit seeing that I’m applying to go there next year.
I love you pap.
And miss you so so much.
Love always
Your Symz
Xx

Letter 80

 

Hi Dad!

I guess I told you about the diet thing. I’m still on it. Right now it’s frustrating and irritating. It stagnated and I haven’t lost much in the past few week, months really. In total I lost around 14 kilos. I have no clothes that look good on me and I know it would be useless to buy some now but with what I lost until now I want to be able to dress better. Mom’s clothes are not my style so I can’t really raid her closet like I did yours… The past 2 weeks have been the hardest. Between the studies and the no food… Last time I was at Dr. Saliba, I asked him to give me a more varied plan because it was too repetitive and if I continued with the same food I would turn into a chicken that shits lettuce. “You are what you eat” right? So he gave me an amazing diet: Risotto, Sushi, Man’ouche, hamburgers… So after I starve at school, I arrive at home and eat…. Soup. Or salad. I’m not asking mum to cook and I don’t want to bother her… But she could help me out a bit. So I get even more frustrated adding the fact that I haven’t lost much and I take it out on mom. She’s the only one I can let out steam one. Then that turns into ugly –useless- fights then we get angry and leave. So there’s been a lot of tension between us. Especially that we don’t see each other much. Home isn’t so homey much these days.

Then there’s this one fight that got me so pissed off that I ended up sleeping over at Lyn’s. The thing is that I could have been avoided if mom let me take a cab. Simple solution right? That morning I had SAT. So I asked a friend to pick me up and go together. At around 2 mom was to pick me up after her brunch and drop me off at the Badminton tournament next to the airport. Mom called her friends at her cards game to tell them that she was going to be a bit late. Ok great! I felt a bit guilty because I knew she hated being late. So we arrived on the airport road and there was more traffic. My friend was giving me direction we missed the turn and then mom was furious. She started yelling at me non stop. The problem is that the day before I told her that I could take a cab it would be easier and now she was screaming at me. So I got mad and raised my voice telling her to stop. I know, I’m the daughter and I'm not supposed to talk like that but I was tired, I was supposed to play but they wouldn’t postpone my matches and I was missing out on three quarter of the game. She then said, ‘When you see me angry shut up’ and that made me furious. I replied no. I’m not 5 to be scared of someone because they’re angry much less shut up when I haven’t done anything. We found the place finally, I said thank you and left. All that because she was going to be late for her cards. Apart from that ugly morning and disgusting early afternoon, I had a nice time.

A bit of good news! Remember I told you about the dog? We didn’t end up getting a Golden Retriever but TWO French bulldogs. I know “WTF?!” right? First I chose one and all everything was paid for but he had diarrhea so we left him in the shop for a week. During that time mom couldn’t sleep because she liked his sister so much. So now each of us have their own dog.

 

Meet Kenzo (Male, Black one) and Kloe (Female, White one).  They’re the cutest.

I have to go… I have so much work to do.

Love you soooooo much

And it’s useless to tell you how much I miss you

Xxx

Syma

Letter 79

 

Hey Dad!

How’ve you been? It’s been a while, I know and I’m sorry. I visited you for the first time and I guess that it sort of made thing a bit more reel. I guess these letters are my way to deal with everything. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. But I don’t think I’m ready to stop. So let me tell you what’s been going on in my world.

So first of all I’m in terminale. Last year of school. Can you believe it? I can’t. It’s quite scary and exciting and a lot of work. Seriously, I’ve never studied this much in my entire life. If you add up all the hours that I studied during my whole life they wouldn’t even me one eighth of what I study in a week since this semester started. And now it’s even worse. I have exams next week and I don’t know how I’m going to finish. But it’s been fun. The atmosphere at school, although stressful, is nicer. Everyone’s closer to each other I guess. I don’t know how much of it is real and how much of it is fake but I don't really care. I started applying to universities. Surprisingly I’m eligible for early admission at AUB. That sparked up a bit of hope for me. I already sent everything except the SAT which I did, twice, and up until now didn’t get my scores. Those I’m stressing about. I need 1100 to get into some of the majors I applied to and 1200 for Graphic Design at AUB. So I’m checking online at least twice a day. I wrote my “essay” –a short paragraph technically-. It took awhile, a whole evening, while skyping with Aya. It was a funny sight. She was cooking in her kitchen in Berlin while I was typing. Here’s what I came up with:

‘When I was younger, I always used to stay up late next to my sister while she worked on her art projects surrounded by her pens and paints. Since then I always knew that I wanted to be surrounded by art and express myself though different creative means. She’s my role model and my goal is to follow in her footsteps and succeed as she did in her work thanks to her graphic design studies at AUB.

The program that AUB grants is unique in its teaching methods, which I feel no other university is able to offer me. I’m very excited to meet new people from different backgrounds through the many courses on offer at the university, and make lifelong connections and contacts, ultimately becoming part of the growing AUB alumni.

I am fascinated by the world of the Arts, and my multidisciplinary interest in culture, literature and design fuels my passions. I am ambitious and seek knowledge and experience of my own accord (such as securing a place in a video workshop organized by the team behind Shankaboot), as well as regularly working on self-initiated projects within the field of photography, drawing and crafts.

I do hope that I can give back to the AUB as much as I believe it will offer me as a student within its walls.’

It’s not that bad. I like it. But AUB isn’t my first choice. ALBA is. The major is broader: Art Graphique ET Publicite. Seeing that I don’t know which I want to go into I like the fact that ALBA merged them both together to make one. And I’ve heard really good things about it. But IF I get accepted at AUB I know that I’m going to get totally confused and lost. But that’s still a bit early to think about.

Moving on… My social life. So I’ve told you about the group of friends that I meet a few years ago. The ones from Lycee Nahr Brahim… Yeah well, they’re a year older than me and started university so I haven’t been able to see them much since everything started. As for the band that I joined, well I left. It's too much of a hassle. But all friendships are intact so that’s good. Another big news… I sort of have a boyfriend. Yeah big shocker there. Haha. He’s really cool. I like him a lot. He’s very cute both physically and personality wise. It’s still weird for me that I’m going out with someone. I guess I thought that I could never be loved… Yeah the whole image of little old me living alone with many many cats. You get the image… So it’s very bizarre. He makes me happy. I’ll tell you all about him later.

This letter is getting a bit long… I guess not writing did more bad than good…

Love you plus que comme ca

I miss you much

xxx

Letter 78

Hi Dad!
How are you? I’m good. I’m a bit bummed that summer’s over, I start school on two days. Terminale. Last year. So I organized an end of summer picnic with some friends. We’re probably going to watch a movie after lunch then go to Copas for karaoke night. Cool thing to do on the last day of summer. I can’t wait I already cooked the peanut butter cookies. Too bad I can eat any of them. But whatever.
As for school, after the first week I’m going to take a break and go to Istanbul. Funny no? But i ‘m really excited about it. I’m going to miss about 3 days of school. My friend is going to keep me informed and is going to scan me everything they worked on in my absence.
Daddy I’ve got some news, you know since Gia ran away? The house lost some of it’s life and since then it’s been quiet. So mum and me we’ve been talking about getting a dog. And after thinking long and hard we’ve decided to get…

A dark Golden Retriever.
We know it’s a big dog but I does okay in an apartment. We talked to the vet and he confirmed that. So we ordered it and he (or she, we still don’t know. Feels like I’m pregnant I swear I’m so excited.) should arrive in 2 to 3 weeks. So after Istanbul we’re going to call the vet to see if he arrived. I’m so glad. I even bought Dog Training for Dummies. I’ve been reading it (page by page) and am half way though it. I’m so happy and so is mom.
I have to go
but I’ll write as soon as I can.
Love you so much
Miss you even more.
Your Samsoum

Letter 77

 

Hey Dad!

How’ve you been? I miss you so much. I’m so sorry I didn’t write sooner. I guess I’ve been thinking about many things. I meant to visit you but I guess I’ve been postponing the visit… But I will soon.

So let me tell you about this summer. There’s so much to tell… I’ve been very busy and very productive. Before getting to that part let me start from the beginning.

First of all, I finished school so good. So I passed the first part of the BAC (l’anticipation). I was soo happy when I got the results. Here they are:

French écrit:   10     (not too happy about this one but whatever)

French oral:    15      ()

Sciences:          15

TPE:                    17     (That’s the project we worked on all year. I worked with Claudia and Loulwa. Out topic was a parallel between tattoos and literature. I had so much fun working on it –most of the times-)

Annnnnnnndd best result saved for last  *drum roll please*….

Math                                    19    (Great right?!?! That one made my week not only my day. I got the prize for the best in math in my class, not that it was that hard but still it means something right?)

So that goes for school. I start in a few weeks. I’m soo not in the mood. I don’t want summer to be over seriously. I’m having enormous amounts of fun.

The most shocking this is the fact that I’m going into my LAST year of school. Terminale. This year and I’m done. Weird huh?

Enough about school it depresses me whenever I think that I have to start waking up t 6 again. So let’s move on.

Next on the list is my weight. It came to a point where I couldn’t fit into my clothes. Here I would wear loose shirts and loose pants and not dare look into a mirror. But the worst thing is that I couldn’t really see it. So we drew a line mum, aya and me. And I started a diet. I went to see the dietitian and what he told me was like a bitch slap to the face (sorry for the foul mouth, because anything else would have been an understatement). He scared the crap right out of me.

Obese in the first degree.

Scariest thing I ever heard. So that’s where I drew a line. I’m done. I’m starting this thing and will never have to ever again in my life.

So now 2 and a half moths later, I’m down around 11 kg. Yeah it feels good. Really. I still can’t believe it. I still need to loose a lot more but it’s a start. So I started with 86 kg and my goal is to reach the 61. Then I can tell everyone that “yeah I lost 25 kg in my teenaged years.” 25 kg that’s a lot a kis batata. Hahaha. On this topic we will be talking about it for a while. So I’m gonna move on.

 

Next comes Hadi and Aya. They came we had a great time although not all together but still.  Aya had her solo exhibition which was amazing as usual. And Hadi well we had an amazing time together. We had a few driving lessons seeing that I’m gonna be 18 in 6 months (  Yay!!) 

 

I have to go but this letter is just the beginning soo I’ll talk to you soon, I promise.

Love you so much it hurts..

A thousand kisses

Xxx

Letter 76

 

Hi Dad!

How are you? I’m quite pissed off but mostly hurt. And the worst thing about it is that it’s mom that’s making me feel this mad. Yesterday, I went down with her to Beirut and stayed with her in the atelier. Then I went to have lunch with my friend. Before I leave she tells me that I’m coming back up with her because she doesn’t want me to take a cab. And without hesitating I said okay because I know how she feels about spending money on cab rides. So I hung out with my friend for less than an hour. Ok, never mind. Mum has cards at 3 and she’s been working a lot and needs to have fun.  That night I was supposed to go to a restaurant in Sahl Alma because some of my friends were supposed to play in a charity concert for the Children Cancer Center. I know it’s very far and mum asked me not to go because it would be a waste of money. I didn’t argue, even though I really wanted to go. On our way back, I remembered there was a shop near by how sells computer games and I’ve been dying to get a specific one. I called and they told me they had it. We were a bit more that 200m close to the store. But mum said no. She was going to be late for her 5 hour long card game. Pap, I know it seems like nothing but I’ve been complaining how much I feel alone when I’m at home. How I have nothing much to do. But no 10 minutes late to her precious card game is intolerable. Ma3leh if Syma has nothing to do. No one to talk to. No where to go. Fun isn’t it? The worst bit is that she doesn’t care one little bit about anything in my life. No that I want to go out of her way to sit next to me and ask about my day. I just want to feel like she cares, just a bit. It’s really starting to get to me.

Now is not a very good time in my life because I feel cheated in so many ways. Even though I’m trying to convince myself otherwise. Anyway, I love you pap.

I miss you everyday a bit more (Although you’d think you can’t miss someone anymore than you already do)

Xx

Letter 75

 

Hi Dad!

How are you?

You don’t know how much I miss you. I still wait for your calls you know…  I miss those time when you would blast the radio at home. Only you know the exact order in which you kept your CDs. Actually if you came now you probably wouldn’t. Sorry about that…

You know, Lyne and I actually spent a whole night at home rearranging them? We put them by alphabetical order. Yup! we did the impossible. Did you know you have around 500 CDs on those shelves? When we removed some, more would appear and it seemed like we didn’t remove a thing. You know my when they come over and look at that collection they admired it? One told me he wishes he could stay only to sift though them. Isn’t that great?

You know, I really miss the whole family. All five of us together. I really do.

I love you pap

Many kisses.

Symz

PS: I wasn’t trying to be depressing! Just reminiscing.

Letter 74

 

Hi Dad!

How are you? I miss you. I’m sitting alone in ABC. I couldn’t stay another minute at home. Now that Lyne’s in Muscat the house is seriously dead. Mom’s constantly at Dana’s working on a project for Paul in Gemmayze. A huge mosaic. It’s amazing. Seriously they’re working around 10 hours a day everyday. So I got a bit lonely this morning. Because I woke up at 9 and mom had already left. I called she was on her way to Batroun. For some reason I got really mad at her. I felt like I was abandoned. I know it’s not remotely true but that’s what I felt. So at around 3 I got depressed, bad. I called a cab and went to the atelier. I saw mom, Dana, Dalia and Nicole. I went then by foot to the ABC. And here I am. I feel a bit better being around people. Although, men at Lina’s are asphyxiating me with their cigars.

You would think that here at ABC, the poshest mall in lebanon, they would be well dressed people. Don’t get me wrong they’re a lot of well dressed people (mostly people from ages: 10 to 17 or 50 and above. And that are women). The men seriously do not know what to wear! I’ve seen weird shirts to last me a lifetime. At this point I wish they would trade theirs with those Hawaiian multi-colored tie-dye ones.

I spent the day with Minou yesterday. We had lunch at a Lebanese restaurant in Monot, a place called…. I have no idea. I don’t remember. It was good food although their Tabbouleh was a massive fail. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a good tabbouleh. Not many restaurants get them right. Too bad…

I love you pap.

Xxx

Symz

Letter 73

Hi Dad!

How are you? I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting you but I promise you haven't left my thoughts. I have loads to tell you. I just came back from Budapest! The school organized a 3 day trip with my whole grade. It was amazing really.

So general overview, the trip was very nice. The city was beautiful. But the people weren’t so welcoming. They were sort of angry. The food was not bad. Every meal was a soup, a dish and a desert. The Hotel was really nice. And the group, including the teachers, was extremely good company. I had the opportunity to see a different side of the people in my school.

Okay so Day 1:

I left the house at 12 AM on Friday arrived at school at  a quarter to one. Joined my class in the Pullman and went to the airport. The flight was okay most of us slept for an hour the rest we talked. We arrived at 6 in the morning in Budapest.

We went strait to a restaurant and had a traditional Hungarian breakfast. Then we went to a market. It wasn’t that great, half of it was closed because of the early hour.

After that we directly started the tourism. We saw the Buda Castle which was extraordinary. The details in the sculptures  are incredible. Then we saw the Parliament which was a beautiful building. We visited 2 cathedrals. Everything was really amazing. After that we had lunch at a classy restaurant next door to the ex-president so everyone kept shushing us every time we spoke to each other. But whatever it didn’t stop us from having fun.

Then we were so tired we went to the hotel. Unpacked, rested and got ready. I had a single room all to myself which was ideal. At night was had dinner at a restaurant, the owner was actually pretty cool. We then tried going into pubs but they were either fully reserved, boring or for over 18 only. So we ended up at a pub called Juicy Cactus (or something like that). The Music was cheesy and it was mostly empty. But still we danced and had fun.

Then it was back to the hotel at that point no one could open their eyes. We all went to bed at around 3 in the morning.

Day 2:

We woke up at 8:30, had breakfast at the hotel then off to another full day. Personally it was my favorite day. I had loads of fun. So after breakfast we went to the Szechenyi Bath in Pest. It’s a natural  thermal pool.  Pap, the water is at 37 degrees. It took some time for me to get used to it and be able to go in. We all swam and took many pictures. After the bath we visited the Heroes Square. We took a lot of pictures. Then we had lunch.

After that we went to a sort of ranch an hour from Budapest. They apparently had 120 horses, 20 ponies and white cows with those extremely long horns. We tasted a salty cake with a shot of apricot alcohol. We all choked, it was so strong. Then we took a ride around the area in a carriage pulled by horses. We were divided in 3 carriages. It was going slow so we decided to silently get down and walk behind it. We all went down and the hoe decided to run so we were all chasing the carriage and we were laughing so hard. Then, the owners and the caretakers prepared a show.  A tradition in the Hungarian history. It’s a sort of a competition. It was really nice and impressive. For example, there was a guy that rode 5 horses without any saddle, he was standing on 2 horses and was going really fast. I don’t know how to explain but I’ll post some pictures. And I’ll see if I can post a video for you. Then they showed how the trained the horses to sit like a dog and lay them down on the ground and lie on top of them. It was impressive.

Then we had dinner, there was a live band. It was okay. Then we returned to the hotel. It was a long ride so everyone fell asleep in the bus. At the hotel we rested, got ready, had dinner and went out to the same pub we went to the day before. It was crowded and some people drank a bit too much. But it didn’t ruin the night. We ate at McDonald’s then went back to the hotel and slept.

Day 3, yesterday:

We woke up at 7:30. Yes it was the hardest thing we did during this whole trip. We packed our bags, and had breakfast. Then left to see a small castle, with a killer view of Budapest. Then we had lunch and then went to a mall. Yeah, a mall, because everyone wanted to go shopping even though we had exactly all the same stored here. But whatever it wasn’t all a waste. There was a show in the middle of the mall. A complete dance performance with a big group. It was very nice. Then we had dinner. After to waste time we went to visit the liberation monument on top of a hill. We had a few laughs and then we went to the airport and back to Beirut.

So there you go, that was my whole trip. Three full days of walking, laughing, taking 4 GB worth of pictures and collecting blisters. But it was what I needed. A change in the routine. And I socialized with a lot of people.

And I wish you were here because I miss you so much.

I love you dad.

Your Sasouma

Letter 72

Hi Dad!

How are you? I’ve been better. Now it’s sinking in. The friends whom I thought were really there for actually were just figurines, illusions. I think what hurts me the most, is the fact that I still hoped, right to the end that they cared about me enough to make an effort to patch things up again.

I sort of makes me doubt friendship. At least I know and from a long time ago that it doesn’t last. And I learned that you shouldn't trust or give too much to a person. That way you don’t get hurt. Out of all the friends I had a fallout with, I think this time was the most painful. But it’s for the best. At least I witnessed the complete face of the people that I called my best friends. So that's amazing closure. I can swallow the whole thing much better knowing who they really were.

Anyway, I love you pap.

I miss you so much.

Symzette

Xx

PS: I dyed streaks pink, like I did in summer 2 years ago but it's more discreet seeing that my school does not approve. But so far they didn’t tell me anything… yet.

Letter 71

Hi Dad! how are you? I’m at school now, we were supposed to present our project but the teachers bailed… Ironic right? So now we’re hanging out. I have a history test the next period.. I’m starting to stress a bit… The teacher has it in or me for some reason… She hates me and I think today at lunch I made it worse.
So I was talking to my friend about our report card (btw my grades are pretty good) and I was telling her how all my grades were above the average except in History and my excuse was ïnno c’est Mme Kik!”And guess who was right next to me? Yup you got it.
But seriously the next time she uses me to let out all of her frustrations, I’m going to talk to her because, I really can’t take anymore of her crap. So I’m going to stand up for myself… Yes I’m quite the revolutionary…
Anyways, I love you so much!
Many many kisses
xxx

letter 70

Hi Dad!
How are you? I miss you so much! Pap my friends threw me a surprise party yesterday night! it was amazing! I had now idea!
So that night I was supposed to go to have dinner with Fleur at ABC at 8. So Lynno said that she would drop me and have a drink with her friends while waiting for me. So before going to Ashrafiyeh, we stop to a dekken to get chips. Then we continue down to Mkalles. At that point,  mum calls to tell Lynno that fleur “cancelled” her dinner. So we drive back up to Broumana and on the way we stopped by the DVD shop. Then Lynno said she wanted kebbeh la2teen to we drove (for the second time) to Gout Frais. But Gout Frais was closed then Lynno wanted Falefel but then out of the blue she bailed and we drove back home. We arrived and I was trying to cheer up lynno by saying that we were going to watch movies all night right? So I look at the salon and see on the table 3 candles and a bowl of nuts. My first thought was,”ok… mum wants to kanken while watching the movies”and I turn in the salon and “SURPRISE!”I see around 25 people standing near the dining table at the end of the salon.
It was great! And I had fun until everyone left at around past two.
It was really amazing I had tons of fun.
I wish you were there…
Many kisses
I love to the point that the whole universe does not compare to it’s vastness.
Xxx

Letter 69

Hi Dad!

How are you? I miss you so much.
I sometimes don’t understand the people around me. How can someone so close to you one day and be so bitter the next? And since when does friendship have an expiry date or an on/off button?
It’s just illogical to turn to someone close to you and say, “I’m bored” and ignore you the next few months and treat you like s**t (at least I censored… :P). But I did try to see what the problem was and I really offered to apologize to anything I had done, whatever it was. Because I’m not perfect, no one is. But what is it that I did to deserve this kind of treatment? At least let they have the decency to reply or give me a valid reason. But after all this time of waiting, I don’t think I would apologize to anything anymore really... Where they even my friend to begin with? To end our friendship so abruptly for no particular reason is so strange…
Anyway, I hope you’re okay…
I love you always
Many trillion kisses
xoxo

Letter 68

Hi Dad!

How are you? I’m not bad. So as usual, Lebanon’s without a government. I’m the worst person who could possibly try to explain it to you. I have really no clue what exactly is going on except that we’re possibly on the brim of having another war. That’s that for Lebanon’s political situation.

On to more interesting events: Nicole came yesterday for lunch with Teta and Zoya (Nicole’s new kitten). They came and we ate raclette!!!!! After 7 years of asking mum we finally found the machine and we are with Parma ham and meat. It was nice.

Rasha’s coming supposedly after tomorrow for an exhibition. It depends on the situation. So I’m pretty excited about that.

Gia is still AWOL. I’m really worried about her. And I miss her terribly.

I love you dad

I miss you so much

Many many kisses.

Syma

Letter 67

Hi Dad!
How are you? I miss you so much. I hope you're doing fine. It's 2011 and already I feel somewhat guilty. Papi I miss her so much you cannot believe how much I miss her pap. I feel so bad to have left her like I did. And for what? I'm sure she thinks I abandoned her and I don't care about her but I want her back. And I can't accept the fact that she's gone. I miss her so much. Why did I have to get so attached? It's not fair that I have to part with her like that. I could have done something other than abandon her. Now she's not here anymore. My baby isn't here anymore. No offense or anything but I really don't want her to be with you right now. I love you and all but I still need to make amends to the sucky kittenhood she had. But how could she survive outside? For 11 yrs we've fed her and gave her a warm home. But now she's left to fend for herself in the cold against things she's terrified of (mostly because of me) I really would do anything to just know at least what happened. Why isn't she down there like the last two times? Mrs. Houdini is now REALLY gone. Dad if she's out there could you keep an eye on her for me? Please? It hurts dad, so much. Why do I have to go through this again? What did I ever do to anyone?
I still miss you extremely pap
And I still love you comme ca
Your Syma that wishes you were here too...