Hi Dad!
How are you? So now I'm back home and thank god for that. There is a problem. For the documentary, I have to be done shooting before Monday and it's almost impossible. I have an exam next week, Loulwa and her sister live too far. Loulwa isn't very excited about this documentary and can't come up to Broumana to finish shooting. There is no time for me to find any other actresses and I'm too tired, I'm not getting any sleep. I have a lot of Homework. The only time i have to film is this weekend and obviously I can't. I need a damn scene with Loulwa and Cola but we can't there is no way. I'm trying to come up with ways to have the scenes separately if I'm not able to I think I'm gonna drop out. But not everything was in vain. I learnt so much and I'm going to thank everyone from the workshop personally for helping and giving their time to help. I've learned so much in a very fun way. Don't get me wrong I'm still going to try to make this thing work... But if i have to re-shoot some footage it's near impossible. Neither do i have time or friend to be able to do this thing again. Zeena has been an angel, i had fun with her. And still i have to admit, It was very fun.
But there is a very childish problem i encountered two days ago and it's still pestering me till today. I don't think i deserve it. I looked at it in many different objective ways and found nothing I did wrong. So as I've said two letters ago in my letter, I've changed and I don't care anymore. Yes, I'm not super hyper anymore nor am I over positive or naive, I don't smile uselessly either. I've evolved and changed. I don't care anymore and my soul purpose is not to please everyone or anyone but myself. I'm too tired of this chicken-shit and all i want is to be left alone.
Sorry I'm a bit mad but I'll get over it.
I love you Dad!
I miss you enormously.
xx
Symz
vendredi 15 octobre 2010
Letter 59
Hi Dad!
How are you? I’m not bad. I did promise you a happier letter than the last one. So I’ll update you on my life a bit…
So today, after school, Claudia, Loulwa and me, we went to Loulwa’s to film my documentary. What documentary you ask? Well I don’t know if you know about Shankaboot the Lebanese web-drama series, but they organized a Workshop where they teach us how to shoot a small documentary. The first two days were all technique and basics not very fun and the second was a bit how to shoot and use the phone. I told you all this in my previous letter no? Anyway so the week that came after that we devised a scene by scene decomposition where we had to write what you see and hear in each scene. My story was complicated at first but after the Sunday meeting I had with the “teachers” we decided to change a bit the plot and make it less depressing. Now, I’m at Loulwa’s and we’re filming and Zeena, Loulwa’s 8 yrs-old sister is so cute. She was my actress. She was great, giving me ideas and having fun. She was so patient and wasn’t complaining. I really like her… I’ll tell you all about it later. I have to go I’m still at Loulwa’s.
I love you pap.
Many more kisses.
Ps: I'll tell you more later when i get home. Mom's going out so I'll have the house all to my own...
Want to know a little secret? I secretly sing really loud when I'm alone at home... Shhhh
Your Samsouma
How are you? I’m not bad. I did promise you a happier letter than the last one. So I’ll update you on my life a bit…
So today, after school, Claudia, Loulwa and me, we went to Loulwa’s to film my documentary. What documentary you ask? Well I don’t know if you know about Shankaboot the Lebanese web-drama series, but they organized a Workshop where they teach us how to shoot a small documentary. The first two days were all technique and basics not very fun and the second was a bit how to shoot and use the phone. I told you all this in my previous letter no? Anyway so the week that came after that we devised a scene by scene decomposition where we had to write what you see and hear in each scene. My story was complicated at first but after the Sunday meeting I had with the “teachers” we decided to change a bit the plot and make it less depressing. Now, I’m at Loulwa’s and we’re filming and Zeena, Loulwa’s 8 yrs-old sister is so cute. She was my actress. She was great, giving me ideas and having fun. She was so patient and wasn’t complaining. I really like her… I’ll tell you all about it later. I have to go I’m still at Loulwa’s.
I love you pap.
Many more kisses.
Ps: I'll tell you more later when i get home. Mom's going out so I'll have the house all to my own...
Want to know a little secret? I secretly sing really loud when I'm alone at home... Shhhh
Your Samsouma
lundi 11 octobre 2010
Letter 58
Hi Dad!
How are you? I'm not so good. I'm feeling more and more like an outsider to both myself and the world. It may be because I'm PMSing but sill I feel like utter poop.
Here is an example, it's 4:20, I'm sitting on the floor in front of the front door of the house writing this letter on my iPod. Why? Because mum forgot to leave the key outside. Great no?
I feel kind of alone. First off, mum and I are alone at home. We have no maid, not that I'm complaining. But worst of all is Lyne. I miss her enormously. She's in Boston. So there aren't enough souls to converse with much... Seeing me and mum have different likes and dislikes it's getting much harder to get her attention. I can't blame her you know... Then there are my friends in school. Everyone changes, it's life. What can we do? I feel detached and can't find many things in common with y closest friends. With some it's a competition, others just boredom... That's where I start to doubt myself.
I havn't been in a good mood lately. To be honest, I haven't been my happy self for quite a long time. I'm tired all the time I'm losing patience with everyone too quickly... These are some examples. But it's like I don't eve understand myself anymore. When I'm around people at the beginning it's great but then I want to be alone then when I am it's soothing at first then after some time, I feel too alone. I need affection... Am I worth anyone's time?
I'm definitively PMSing... I promise next letter will be less depressing.
I miss you pap.
A number cannot represent how many kisses I'm showering you with.
Je t'aime plus que comme ca...
How are you? I'm not so good. I'm feeling more and more like an outsider to both myself and the world. It may be because I'm PMSing but sill I feel like utter poop.
Here is an example, it's 4:20, I'm sitting on the floor in front of the front door of the house writing this letter on my iPod. Why? Because mum forgot to leave the key outside. Great no?
I feel kind of alone. First off, mum and I are alone at home. We have no maid, not that I'm complaining. But worst of all is Lyne. I miss her enormously. She's in Boston. So there aren't enough souls to converse with much... Seeing me and mum have different likes and dislikes it's getting much harder to get her attention. I can't blame her you know... Then there are my friends in school. Everyone changes, it's life. What can we do? I feel detached and can't find many things in common with y closest friends. With some it's a competition, others just boredom... That's where I start to doubt myself.
I havn't been in a good mood lately. To be honest, I haven't been my happy self for quite a long time. I'm tired all the time I'm losing patience with everyone too quickly... These are some examples. But it's like I don't eve understand myself anymore. When I'm around people at the beginning it's great but then I want to be alone then when I am it's soothing at first then after some time, I feel too alone. I need affection... Am I worth anyone's time?
I'm definitively PMSing... I promise next letter will be less depressing.
I miss you pap.
A number cannot represent how many kisses I'm showering you with.
Je t'aime plus que comme ca...
mardi 5 octobre 2010
Letter 57
Hi Dad!
How are you? I miss you. I'm exhausted. I have never in my whole life had a more packed weekend as this one. It's not normal. So let me start from the beginning.
Friday night: School as usual (as of not long ago unfortunately) The three last periods i have spanish and two free periods (cool no?) So my spanish teacher decides that we should watch The Sound Of Music in spanish. You would think i was weird to see Julie Andrews would look weird speaking spanish but no. As crazy as it may seem the dubbing is great. All the songs are in spanish and they're very well made. After half of sound of music the next two periods we were to watch a movie about Nelson Mandala. I would tell you it's title but i don't remember... And no i can't look it up on IMDB because we don't have internet. AGAIN. But i know that Denzel Washington plays Mandala
It's become a nuisance the DSL. One minute it works the next Bbrrrtttt NO MORE INTERNET!
Back to Friday... After school i went to Loulwa's house and stayed there with Nour & Marie (the Khater Twins, remember them?) We talked a lot about interesting stuff like saving humanity and trips to Africa. I'm not kidding. Then at around 7-ish we left and walked to The Shop that Loulwa owns. It's such a nice place really and it serves the best brownies ever created on this planet. Ok moving on or else I'll keep on going with the richness of the Beydoun Brownies (BB haha!)
Oh right i forgot you don't know the BB craze!! Let me fill you in. It's the worst creation ever created. Which can be proven with the fact that it's banned in certain countries like Dubai and Saudi Arabia. So the point of this new "application" on the blackberry is that if you pay 40$ a month you can send unlimited messages to other BBM (a.k.a blackberry Messenger) users for free. Yes you heard me correctly. Add 600$ phone + unlimited chatting - augmenting cost + snobby teenagers = No more life. I swear in class you don't need to tear papers and write notes and fling them to your friends you do it directly by BBM. Need to say something to the person sitting to seats to you right during a movie no need to whisper just text it! And imagine the same solution everywhere in any situation. Imagine you're talking to a person and their phone vibrates bzzzz bye-bye real conversation. All kind of physical interaction with society is slowly deteriorating and disappearing. It's the ugly truth about the blackberry.
Sorry, back to friday night. At 7, and hour and a half early to the surprise birthday dinner we walk around downtown talk some more, go to virgin and have a laugh. We go back to the restaurant. And then Coky the two week early birthday girl comes and gets surprised by all of us and the rest is cliche. I come back home by taxi.
Next is Saturday the longest day of all: I wake up at 8am. Get dressed and mum drops me off at Battouta Film Studios where i start the first day of the two week long workshop. The whole think is about learning how to make a 3-4 minute video/documentary. It was very informative and fun. It ended at around 5:50 PM. I go to Loulwa's where i meet Maylis and we go to Loulwa's exhibition. There was a contest in partnership with Lomography and two of Loulwa's pictures got accepted. It was super fun. It was on the rooftop of the old sugar refinery on the seaside road behind Gean. There was massive wind so i felt like Marlin Monroe. My skirt was everywhere! Haha. There was a man dressed as a pixie and he was throwing glitter in the air. You know the fine glitter that sticks to your skin and never comes off? Yeah in blue. So here we all were glittered and covered from head to toe. I HATE GLITTER. Anywhoo next we left at aaround 8:30 mum picked us up and dropped us off at a girl from my school's house she was celebrating her birthday. It sucked. The music was rubbish, the atmosphere was ew, no one was dancing... On top of all that i was in a bad mood to begin with. I really get tired sometimes when i always have to be the responsible one... I slept though the whole taxi ride back and went to sleep as soon as i finished putting on my PJs.
The Next day was Day 2 of workshop where we learned how to use the phone that was given to us. The new Nokia N8 i think. A really cool device with a 12 MegaPixel camera etc... We shot a short scene. Man it took us over half an hour to film a ultra-short scene. We had about 3 minutes of footage to end up with a 10 second video. The day dragged on then i walked from Geitawi to ABC ashrafiyeh to meet up with Mum and Nicole. They were having dinner i bought three books and we came back home.
Wow this letter was long. I'm sorry i should have written sooner. I didn't know i had so much to say.
I'll write sooner promise.
I miss you immensely.
I kiss you so much.
And squeeze you hard
I Love you daddy.
xxx
How are you? I miss you. I'm exhausted. I have never in my whole life had a more packed weekend as this one. It's not normal. So let me start from the beginning.
Friday night: School as usual (as of not long ago unfortunately) The three last periods i have spanish and two free periods (cool no?) So my spanish teacher decides that we should watch The Sound Of Music in spanish. You would think i was weird to see Julie Andrews would look weird speaking spanish but no. As crazy as it may seem the dubbing is great. All the songs are in spanish and they're very well made. After half of sound of music the next two periods we were to watch a movie about Nelson Mandala. I would tell you it's title but i don't remember... And no i can't look it up on IMDB because we don't have internet. AGAIN. But i know that Denzel Washington plays Mandala
It's become a nuisance the DSL. One minute it works the next Bbrrrtttt NO MORE INTERNET!
Back to Friday... After school i went to Loulwa's house and stayed there with Nour & Marie (the Khater Twins, remember them?) We talked a lot about interesting stuff like saving humanity and trips to Africa. I'm not kidding. Then at around 7-ish we left and walked to The Shop that Loulwa owns. It's such a nice place really and it serves the best brownies ever created on this planet. Ok moving on or else I'll keep on going with the richness of the Beydoun Brownies (BB haha!)
Oh right i forgot you don't know the BB craze!! Let me fill you in. It's the worst creation ever created. Which can be proven with the fact that it's banned in certain countries like Dubai and Saudi Arabia. So the point of this new "application" on the blackberry is that if you pay 40$ a month you can send unlimited messages to other BBM (a.k.a blackberry Messenger) users for free. Yes you heard me correctly. Add 600$ phone + unlimited chatting - augmenting cost + snobby teenagers = No more life. I swear in class you don't need to tear papers and write notes and fling them to your friends you do it directly by BBM. Need to say something to the person sitting to seats to you right during a movie no need to whisper just text it! And imagine the same solution everywhere in any situation. Imagine you're talking to a person and their phone vibrates bzzzz bye-bye real conversation. All kind of physical interaction with society is slowly deteriorating and disappearing. It's the ugly truth about the blackberry.
Sorry, back to friday night. At 7, and hour and a half early to the surprise birthday dinner we walk around downtown talk some more, go to virgin and have a laugh. We go back to the restaurant. And then Coky the two week early birthday girl comes and gets surprised by all of us and the rest is cliche. I come back home by taxi.
Next is Saturday the longest day of all: I wake up at 8am. Get dressed and mum drops me off at Battouta Film Studios where i start the first day of the two week long workshop. The whole think is about learning how to make a 3-4 minute video/documentary. It was very informative and fun. It ended at around 5:50 PM. I go to Loulwa's where i meet Maylis and we go to Loulwa's exhibition. There was a contest in partnership with Lomography and two of Loulwa's pictures got accepted. It was super fun. It was on the rooftop of the old sugar refinery on the seaside road behind Gean. There was massive wind so i felt like Marlin Monroe. My skirt was everywhere! Haha. There was a man dressed as a pixie and he was throwing glitter in the air. You know the fine glitter that sticks to your skin and never comes off? Yeah in blue. So here we all were glittered and covered from head to toe. I HATE GLITTER. Anywhoo next we left at aaround 8:30 mum picked us up and dropped us off at a girl from my school's house she was celebrating her birthday. It sucked. The music was rubbish, the atmosphere was ew, no one was dancing... On top of all that i was in a bad mood to begin with. I really get tired sometimes when i always have to be the responsible one... I slept though the whole taxi ride back and went to sleep as soon as i finished putting on my PJs.
The Next day was Day 2 of workshop where we learned how to use the phone that was given to us. The new Nokia N8 i think. A really cool device with a 12 MegaPixel camera etc... We shot a short scene. Man it took us over half an hour to film a ultra-short scene. We had about 3 minutes of footage to end up with a 10 second video. The day dragged on then i walked from Geitawi to ABC ashrafiyeh to meet up with Mum and Nicole. They were having dinner i bought three books and we came back home.
Wow this letter was long. I'm sorry i should have written sooner. I didn't know i had so much to say.
I'll write sooner promise.
I miss you immensely.
I kiss you so much.
And squeeze you hard
I Love you daddy.
xxx
mercredi 8 septembre 2010
Letter 56
Hi Dad!
How are you? My summer has just begun. Well for the next 6 days... I've finished my summer work for school and so basically... I'M FREE!
Today Arlo and Kika are flying back to Muscat. And the house, for the second time this summer is rendered lifeless.... Almost.
And with that I stay alone at home for the second day in a row. Why is that? You ask... Because I am too tired of being in a negative environment. Take last night for instance. The family came back home at around 11:45 PM. I was alone all day and got a bit paranoid at some point when the light faded to dark i thought I could hear someone (or something) chewing on some bones on the balcony (i was sitting on the floor in the salon as usual). And knowing my childhood fear of dark creatures lurking in the shadows i did not dare look out. I presumed is there was in fact some bone munching 4 meters away, i should let the beast finish his meaty feast and not bother him with some ear-splitting screams.
Back to previous matters, the family came home with some, at first, interesting gossip. Turns out the supposedly amusing news was around the topic I hate the most. The famous and mysterious sister rivalry between my dear aunts (and i think uncle too). In the past, let's say two years, there has been a weird fall out between mom and her sister that then grew and grew and grew. Since it broke out, there has been a lot of talks between the cousins, aunts and uncles. At first i was shocked at the situation, then at my own naivety for not noticing anything earlier then came sadness, anger and then I simply lost interest. Not because I got bored at the drama that normal families would seek in Gossip Girl, but because every time i listened the same things were said, the same arguments were presented and each time it ended with an open end and anger for both the speaker and the listener. I thought at first that they would talk for a bit then change the subject. But they went on and on about the same damn thing. The worst is that what fist started as rivalry between two sisters it transformed into arguments between aunts and niece. When the true culprits we're not in a 20 Km radius. The person itself wasn't in the same room let alone the same area.
Well i did as i do every time the subject lingers, i picked up my stuff and left. I ended up watching a movie and falling asleep at around 3:30 am. It's ridiculous.
So anyway, everyone went to Nicole to have lunch. I bailed. I still feel a little unstable and I'm not ready to face Nicole. I love my aunt with all my heart, don't get me wrong but i can't expose myself to so much pessimism and negative energy. I can't... I just can't... I love her but now i can't handle her. I love her with all my heart it's just hard right now. But I love her so much and i have fun with her and she's great... i just need to regain fully my patience. After this summer i need to find my old optimistic self. It sort of ran out at some point. But all is in the past now.
I have two new developments:
1- I'm the lead singer of a band. Although from my point of view it's not quite official, I went to a friend's house, i did my audition and got accepted. Although Coldplay is not my choice of playlist but it's what they want to play. So |'m going along with that. Why is it unofficial? Because i have yet to meet the other band members. I know just the guitarist the rest i never met them. Next week we'll have our fist official band practice. Fun no?
2- I got a second tattoo. Don't freak! It's tiny About 1cm big! On my left ankle a tiny tiny mustache. It's really small. I love it. Haha...
I love you Nino...
I miss you like no other
xxx
How are you? My summer has just begun. Well for the next 6 days... I've finished my summer work for school and so basically... I'M FREE!
Today Arlo and Kika are flying back to Muscat. And the house, for the second time this summer is rendered lifeless.... Almost.
And with that I stay alone at home for the second day in a row. Why is that? You ask... Because I am too tired of being in a negative environment. Take last night for instance. The family came back home at around 11:45 PM. I was alone all day and got a bit paranoid at some point when the light faded to dark i thought I could hear someone (or something) chewing on some bones on the balcony (i was sitting on the floor in the salon as usual). And knowing my childhood fear of dark creatures lurking in the shadows i did not dare look out. I presumed is there was in fact some bone munching 4 meters away, i should let the beast finish his meaty feast and not bother him with some ear-splitting screams.
Back to previous matters, the family came home with some, at first, interesting gossip. Turns out the supposedly amusing news was around the topic I hate the most. The famous and mysterious sister rivalry between my dear aunts (and i think uncle too). In the past, let's say two years, there has been a weird fall out between mom and her sister that then grew and grew and grew. Since it broke out, there has been a lot of talks between the cousins, aunts and uncles. At first i was shocked at the situation, then at my own naivety for not noticing anything earlier then came sadness, anger and then I simply lost interest. Not because I got bored at the drama that normal families would seek in Gossip Girl, but because every time i listened the same things were said, the same arguments were presented and each time it ended with an open end and anger for both the speaker and the listener. I thought at first that they would talk for a bit then change the subject. But they went on and on about the same damn thing. The worst is that what fist started as rivalry between two sisters it transformed into arguments between aunts and niece. When the true culprits we're not in a 20 Km radius. The person itself wasn't in the same room let alone the same area.
Well i did as i do every time the subject lingers, i picked up my stuff and left. I ended up watching a movie and falling asleep at around 3:30 am. It's ridiculous.
So anyway, everyone went to Nicole to have lunch. I bailed. I still feel a little unstable and I'm not ready to face Nicole. I love my aunt with all my heart, don't get me wrong but i can't expose myself to so much pessimism and negative energy. I can't... I just can't... I love her but now i can't handle her. I love her with all my heart it's just hard right now. But I love her so much and i have fun with her and she's great... i just need to regain fully my patience. After this summer i need to find my old optimistic self. It sort of ran out at some point. But all is in the past now.
I have two new developments:
1- I'm the lead singer of a band. Although from my point of view it's not quite official, I went to a friend's house, i did my audition and got accepted. Although Coldplay is not my choice of playlist but it's what they want to play. So |'m going along with that. Why is it unofficial? Because i have yet to meet the other band members. I know just the guitarist the rest i never met them. Next week we'll have our fist official band practice. Fun no?
2- I got a second tattoo. Don't freak! It's tiny About 1cm big! On my left ankle a tiny tiny mustache. It's really small. I love it. Haha...
I love you Nino...
I miss you like no other
xxx
mardi 31 août 2010
Letter 55
Hi Dad!
How are you? I miss you. I've been in a bad mood lately. That's why I haven't written. I'm sorry.
This week has been all study. I need to finish my summer homework before the 4th. In math Jad helped me and we finished it surprisingly quick. But french, that's the problem. I think i need to be in the total mood of study and Victor Hugo, Baudelaire, Verlaine and all of their friends. But I'm moving forward so that's good.
I just woke up 3 minutes ago. It's so weird I sleep without feeling like I slept at all. I wake up late and all sore. But these past few days I've been going to sleep at around 2 am - 3 am and sometimes even later. I don't know why. I just can't sleep earlier. I hate this! I miss my morning! But that's not a major problem.
The one thing that's actually on my mind now is the fact that i have 2 more years of school and I'm gone. I'm off. What's even worse? I have school in 2 weeks. 1ere. 11th grade. Fudge! (I've found ways to swear without actually swearing ;D). Dad in one year and 5 months I'm legal. AND driving. Isn't that a bit scary?
Later in I want to work in something that involves a lot of art. So i opted for Advertising or Graphic Design. Imagine. Comics, sketches, 3D graphics, drawing, cinema, sculpting, painting, crafting, etching, CREATING! There are so many things i want to try out.
This year I've been expanding my creative side. I've been drawing a lot more and I've been taking on many projects like sculpture and beading and painting, dying. I have a lot of ideas for t-shirts. We have a sewing machine and mom is going to fix it for me and teach me who to use it. Imagine the possibilities! I want to do so many things and I'm so excited. It's an incredible feeling when I'm crafting. I love the scissors, glue, needle, metallic string. IT'S AMAZING!
I have to go back to my french homework.
I love you so much
I miss you more than ever and thinking about you so much
Kisses and Hugs (the one when you used to arrive from Jeddah at night and i was awake THAT hug.)
Your samsouma.
How are you? I miss you. I've been in a bad mood lately. That's why I haven't written. I'm sorry.
This week has been all study. I need to finish my summer homework before the 4th. In math Jad helped me and we finished it surprisingly quick. But french, that's the problem. I think i need to be in the total mood of study and Victor Hugo, Baudelaire, Verlaine and all of their friends. But I'm moving forward so that's good.
I just woke up 3 minutes ago. It's so weird I sleep without feeling like I slept at all. I wake up late and all sore. But these past few days I've been going to sleep at around 2 am - 3 am and sometimes even later. I don't know why. I just can't sleep earlier. I hate this! I miss my morning! But that's not a major problem.
The one thing that's actually on my mind now is the fact that i have 2 more years of school and I'm gone. I'm off. What's even worse? I have school in 2 weeks. 1ere. 11th grade. Fudge! (I've found ways to swear without actually swearing ;D). Dad in one year and 5 months I'm legal. AND driving. Isn't that a bit scary?
Later in I want to work in something that involves a lot of art. So i opted for Advertising or Graphic Design. Imagine. Comics, sketches, 3D graphics, drawing, cinema, sculpting, painting, crafting, etching, CREATING! There are so many things i want to try out.
This year I've been expanding my creative side. I've been drawing a lot more and I've been taking on many projects like sculpture and beading and painting, dying. I have a lot of ideas for t-shirts. We have a sewing machine and mom is going to fix it for me and teach me who to use it. Imagine the possibilities! I want to do so many things and I'm so excited. It's an incredible feeling when I'm crafting. I love the scissors, glue, needle, metallic string. IT'S AMAZING!
I have to go back to my french homework.
I love you so much
I miss you more than ever and thinking about you so much
Kisses and Hugs (the one when you used to arrive from Jeddah at night and i was awake THAT hug.)
Your samsouma.
Inscription à :
Articles (Atom)
